The Boy Inside Me

How can I describe myself when I am still finding myself?
Ask me anything

A few other changes over the past year

A couple other things I’ve experienced in the last year…

  • I got my own apartment in January
  • I’m officially out to all of my friends and family (with the exception of one who I just got back in touch with yesterday after two years)
  • I got a ball python the other day. I’m very excited about him. His name is Porthos and he’s a tiny (crabby)¬†baby.
  • I got a couple of new tattoos
  • I dated a guy for a couple of months who, at first, wasn’t into me being trans, and then I won him over, and then it turns out I didn’t because he moved out of state to be with someone else
  • I’ve gotten very into acrylic paintin
  • I took on a second job; so “sleep” is a meaningless word now.

Just to keep everyone updated

1-Year Changes

Alright, I guess it’s time for the big stuff. Although, thinking about it, there’s really not much different from my 6-month post, just all that increased. I’ll try to keep an overall from 0 to a year.

  • body hair: chest and stomach mostly. Some on my up back, like shoulder area, underside of forearms are getting hair

facial hair: I have a lot under my chin, but that’s kind of where it stops. And then I have thick, long sideburns, a teeny tiny mustache, and it’s very sparing and blonde on my cheeks. (I haven’t shaved or trimmed in about a month)

  • menstrual cycle: I only had on right after starting T, and no more, nor any signs of more. No cramping or spotting or anything
  • acne: took awhile for acne to get bad, but it did. I used a facial scrub once or twice a day and it did little to help. I ran out and used just plain ol’ bar soap on my face, and that did the trick. As long as I keep up on the bar soap, my face is usually pretty clear now. Body acne isn’t too bad, just here and there, except my butt. My butt is terrible! Good thing I don’t have a boyfriend — ha!
  • My appetite overall seems to have decreased. I weighed 268 lbs when I began my injections. I now weigh 230 lbs. So I’ve lost 38 over the year. I can definitely live with that. I used to work out pretty often and religiously, but over the past couple of months, I’ve gotten quite lazy; though I do bike or walk to work most of the time instead of driving and I’m trying like hell to eat healthier.
  • I think my feet got a little bigger right at the beginning
  • Overall, I think I sleep more (or think I need to anyway).


Honestly, I can’t think of anything else right now. However, I was off of T for about two months until this morning due to lack of funding. But this morning I was able to purchase another prescription and take another shot. I’m not entirely sure the affects the two months off had on me. I think I was agitated and sleepless at first, and then just emotional as my body tried to balance back into estrogen. I should be good now though.

My voice at Pre, 8 Weeks, 6 Months, and, finally, 1 Year.


I am officially one entire year on T. Woo, am I excited! But here’s the thing — my computer’s acting kind of janky, so I’m probably going to have several small posts on it instead of on giant one. I’ll try to cover as much as I can over the past year, including pictures and videos to show off my voice. Here we go…

I’m depressed, lonely, sad, and cranky. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be anywhere anymore. And I might’ve sorta kinda tried to kill myself with the lawn mower the other day. I test fate to try and die.

fuckcalmandtrainhard-deactivate said: Gotta take the good with the bad. Things are cool with me, all kinds of sore, been training hard. hope the rest of the week pans out for you.

More like the bad with the good, haha. And thanks a lot! Glad things are good for you.

fuckcalmandtrainhard-deactivate said: Hey, seen your post on TBP, I'm 9 months on T as well. how you doing?

Oh, hey, that’s awesome! Getting close to a year, man. Things are okay, they’ve been better, but they’ve also been worse. Been having a rough week. You?

I started seeing someone about a month ago. Two weeks ago I found out he’s interested in someone else. I wasn’t worried. I was confident I would “win.” Today he told me he’s moving away to live with this other guy. And now I can’t understand how I allowed myself to be so stupid as to think I stood a chance. How could I ever compete against the real thing? I mean, fuck, I don’t even have a dick.
How could I have been so stupid?

My brother said he wanted a painting of Mewtwo and Darth Vader fighting. I made this for his birthday.

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